If you keep getting in the way of your own success, whether at work, in your private life, or in relationships, then something inside you is going wrong. But usually, it’s not what most people assume, and that’s why it’s so hard to end self-sabotage.
I have already been able to help many of my clients align everything they do with their own well-being and that of their loved ones.
In this article, I’ll explain to you what happens unconsciously when you block yourself and what you can do about it to find inner peace.
You are not your own worst enemy
“I am my own worst enemy” is a sentence I have heard from many of my clients. They then split themselves into one part that wants success, etc., and another part that sabotages it or is “evil,” and so on.
It can often feel as if a part of ourselves wants to harm us. But when we go a little deeper, we realize that this isn’t really true.
Because ultimately, all parts of us have the same goal: for us to be well.
Where the parts of us disagree, however, is the path to our well-being. If these two paths differ too much, it can cause the conflict to become very large.
Examples of self-sabotage
There are types of self-sabotage in many areas of life. Here are a few common examples:
Procrastination
Often we find two poles here: “It has to be the best” and “You must not fail.” Between these two requirements, you have no choice but to do nothing, because you would fail anyway.
Perfectionism
Many perfectionists have the combination of “Only perfect is good enough” and “Perfection is impossible.” Here, you keep doing something until something buckles somewhere and you end up in burnout, for example.
People-pleasing
“I want to do what fulfills me” and “My work is worth as much as others think it is.” To strive for our own fulfillment, we also have to hold the evaluation of our own work in our own hands. Otherwise, all our energy goes into wanting to please others, and we fall by the wayside ourselves.
Making yourself invisible at work:
For example, we can take something that often stands in the way of a career: the two principles of “I have to show myself to be seen” and “I must not stand out.” That means the more one part pushes into the spotlight, e.g., during presentations or marketing, the more the other part hits the brakes (e.g., with panic attacks or procrastination).
However, all of this happens not out of malice or a desire to sabotage, but out of fear and an attempt at self-protection.
Unconscious origins
So if we now realize that all our parts have the same goal, then the most important next question is: Who dictated the different paths? Here, the two main actors are nature/evolution and our parents.
Now, we cannot change what we are born with. But the good news is that no living creature is naturally self-destructive. So we can change the negative.
Whether our parents meant well or not, there are often lessons and rules from our parents that do not correspond to our nature.
Self-image
But children cannot reject these lessons; instead, they adapt to the guidelines. That means a part of you basically adopts the parents’ point of view in order to comply with it better.
If a child doesn’t get what it needs, it assumes it doesn’t deserve it. This then becomes a self-image that must also be fulfilled in one’s own actions.
Among other things, this leads to self-criticism and negative self-talk. It is the unconscious attempt to stay within the parents’ guardrails.
So it is not your own guidelines that trigger the inner resistance. Perfectionism and a simultaneous fear of failure do not occur naturally, but are taken on from the outside and linked to your own identity.
For a child, this is the best solution, since it cannot change its environment. The phenomenon of “self-sabotage,” however, arises in adulthood.
The part that still takes on the role of the parents then comes into conflict with your inner nature. Often, this results in not giving your best because you are not 100% on your own side.
Fulfilling your own potential
When we understand that all our parts actually want what’s best for us and that the self-destructive behavior didn’t sprout from our own soil, then we can find a workable way out of the mess.
The first step is then to start treating yourself with understanding. This way, you can overcome the inappropriate self-treatment and start supporting yourself. This also reduces self-criticism and self-punishment.
Next, we have to start the inner negotiations. Because we don’t want one part to simply ruthlessly assert itself. So we have to find a path to success that works for all parts. For most people, this happens best intuitively. Because what feels right is also often what is right.
Hypnosis for self-sabotage
Because these processes often happen unconsciously, it is very difficult to change anything with the conscious mind. For this reason, hypnosis (or hypnotherapy) is very well suited to changing these patterns. Furthermore, in a hypnotic trance, it is possible to strive for negotiation between conscious and unconscious parts and thus strive for new ways of treating yourself.
Conclusion: Ending self-sabotage
Armed with the knowledge that all your parts want your well-being, we can face the real enemy: the inherited guidelines. With enough self-understanding and support, we can get all our conscious and unconscious parts on the same page and focus our energy.
